Most people don’t sit around thinking about how they came to be the people that they are or why they think the way they do. I do think about these things, which is probably an indication that I have far too much time on my hands. Recent events have brought this topic to mind once again.
We are all products of our environments. We are shaped and molded by our life experiences and the people in our lives. We learn life lessons from our parents. Their thoughts and attitudes are lifelong influences on our own thoughts and attitudes. We get married and — for better or worse — are changed by our spouses. Teachers, coaches and other mentors influence the way we think and act. Even our children change us.
As with most people, my parents have been the primary influence on my life and I have learned many valuable lessons from them. Unlike most people, however, my life has been shaped by two sets of parents. My own parents brought me into this world. They loved and nurtured me and strove, to the best of their ability, to prepare me to live a happy and productive life. The other parental influence in my life has come from my wife’s parents. I first met them at the age of eighteen Being away from home for the first time and, probably looking for some kind of anchor, I eagerly latched on to them. For all practical purposes I moved in with them. I ate dinner with them most evenings. When I was ill, it was they who nursed me. They even took me on family vacations. I’ve often thought that, if I had been in their shoes, I would have thrown me out — but they didn’t.
While I’m sure they never intended to do so, my parents-in-law have had a considerable influence in shaping my own perspective on life. They were from a different place, a different country. Their life experiences were dramatically different from my own and those of my parents. The lens through which they viewed the world was different and their beliefs and attitudes reflected that difference.
It took me a while, but I finally came to realize that reality changes depending upon the lens through which you view it. There is not one reality, there are many. What seems obvious to me may not be so obvious to someone else. People tend to view the concept of war differently, for example, if they have had bombs dropped on them. Reality is shaped and colored by our own unique set of life experiences and your reality — although I may not like it or agree with it — is just as valid as mine.
Just as I benefited from the lessons of my own parents, I have been the beneficiary of my parents-in-law’s life experiences. I am a better person today because of it.
I’m writing about this now because my mother-in-law is very ill and she doesn’t have much time left. My wife is with her and I wish that I could be. Instead, for now, I have to content myself with putting down in writing what she and my father-in-law have meant to me. I love her and I will miss her.
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